It has been a strange year so far for weddings. May though, takes the cake for the most bizarre month ever. Never mind the one that canceled and never called me, or the one that it was so hot inside the cake melted and colapsed, but out of the 6 weddings that I had...3 of the brides had a bun in the oven.
Things sure have changed.
But the best was a couple down in LaGrange where she was 7 months along and was having a hard time with her dress among other things. It was the hottest day of the year so far and they were having an outside wedding. They had a bunch of friends show up and decorated this little rec center out in the middle of no where with no shade trees for a mile.
Well I kept wondering when things were gonna start falling together since the mother of the bride was in the kitchen trying to get all of the food orgainized and I kept going in there to see if I could help in anyway. I helped move some of the stuff to the tables in the hall and got busy doing something else and then was told that the future Father in Law had forgotten the rings so he hopped into his pickup and sped back to the farm to retrieve them. I use retrieve because the lab was part of the ceremony as well but luckily did not become an intrigal part of this story.

So I go into the kitchen to tell the MOB about the rings and the Bride is standing there in all of her 7 months belly with nothing on but a bra and a g sting. Instead of going ooops and running out I said...was the bathroom out of order? Now I don't know what they had planned for their wedding night but I am pretty sure they had rehearsed it many times already.

Now she was about 4 ft 10 and small and he was about 6 ft and 400 lbs...the tux was ringing with sweat let me tell you. Anyway about 15 minutes later the rings show up and a guys in a baseball cap was leaning on my speaker outside and said "these sure do sound good do you think they will fit in my pickup?" I swear this guy was a cousin of Larry the Cable Guy cuz he had a remark for everything.

Now, I have a grading scale for redneck weddings and this was 6 on a scale of 7 watermelons, seven being the most readneck of course.

1 is if someone wears jeans to a wedding (pretty common)
2 is if that includes a wallet chain
3 if someone has on a baseball cap
4 if it is camo
5 if all of the bridesmaids have on flip flops
6 if someone on the female side of the bridal party has a tramp stamp
and last but not least...
7 if the stamp is on the mother of the bride

Needless to say, I don't have too many 7s but they do happen at least once a year.

It was also the month for international weddings with one being a Bulgarian affair and another was a African/Guatamalan wedding...I will have to blog on those next.

I know that someday I will write a book, like when boobs pop out at the bouquet toss or when the punch bowl lands on the ring bearer's head and pours red punch all over his nice white tux.

But nothing beats a good ole redneck wedding.